Almost a New Year

Where to begin? Where to end? It's been awhile since I have written anything of substance. I am not entirely sure what I want to say, but since some friends have been asking for an update, I will give a more immediate response. Then again, maybe I will start from the middle of this year.

I graduated from Geneva College in August of this year. I walked away with a degree in History (minors in Philosophy and Biblical Studies), a 3.2 GPA, and no job. Reluctant to move home, I stayed in Beaver Falls looking for a job. From August to November, I worked part-time for a cleaning company. I was averaging only 20 hours a week, but then they cut my hours. They eventually laid me off, but then gave me my own building. However, $9 an hour wasn't paying the bills or providing a stable future. Finally, I decided to quit and move back home (hey the rent's free, for now).

Moving home was one of the most difficult decisions I have made. You probably asking, why didn't you go back to school. Well, when I graduated I wasn't entirely sure of what I wanted to do. So, I decided to take a year off to figure out my passions and possible career choice. A month later I figured it out, but it was too late to enroll in classes. In case you haven't heard, I hope to study at Gordon-Conwell and earn a Masters in Divinity. After that I hope to enroll in a doctorate program studying Jewish Christianity.

Anyway, moving home wasn't easy. All of my closest friends either moved from Geneva or still live at Geneva. Also, my beautiful girlfriend still attends Geneva (she finishes in May). Another reason I was uncomfortable moving home was the lack of reformed churches in my area. In April I became a member of College Hill Reformed Presbyterian Church of Beaver Falls. I love CHRP and I miss the strong, biblical teaching there. The church I grew up in is very different from the church I am used to now. I have no one to talk to about my beliefs. I take that back, I have people who are willing to engage in conversation, but no one to really challenge me. I take that back, the new pastor of my parents' church has been a blessing. Although he and I come from different backgrounds, we do see eye to eye on several major issues. His humility and his compassion is helping me to grow up and confront my own pride. He has become a mentor for me as I work toward a life of pastorship and professorship. I am grateful for him.

I miss my friends, though.

I had a job interview on Monday. I applied for a position at LECOM (it's a medical college). I won't find out about the job until next week. I am nervous, because I don't really have anything to fall on. Then again, I am not too thrilled about the job because they want me to work weekends including Sundays.

I really miss Heather. The last four months have been extremely difficult. It was the first time we really spent a lot of time together. We got on each other's nerves, but that happens in any relationship. But being away from her hasn't been easy. I miss her companionship, I miss her insight, and I miss her smile. I love her. She's the only one who truly gets me.

I hope all is well. I will try to write soon. Sorry for the sporadic updates.

With much love,
Christian Eriksson

Whatever

I am pissed at myself. I need a lot of help, but I am too afraid to ask for it. I am a foolish person.

I am absolutely crazy about Heather, but I am afraid I may lose her because of my immaturity. Why can't I grow up faster?

Anyway, I need prayer and lots of it.

Christian Eriksson

Guilty Pleasure(s)

I wish I had more inspiration and time to write. Ironically, the song I am listening to right now states, "So much to say..." The artist is Dave Matthews Band. I just got the CD, but that's not really pertinent.

During the summer, I will be taking a Creative Writing course online via CCAC. I am hoping for a few things to come out of this class. First, that I pass so I can graduate. Second, I hope it inspires me to write more. Third, I hope it helps my writing. Because the class is part of the "distance learning" program, I am not anticipating a difficult class; however, I would like to be challenged. Also during the summer, I will be attempting to write more in depth, argumentative papers regarding several different aspect of life. I need YOU to keep me accountable. Anyway, I want to write about different theological ideas that I am wrestling with, and in the same fashion, I would love to write some original ideas. Then again, there is nothing new under the sun. Be prepared for the summer - that's all I can say.

Speaking of summer, I am still not sure as to what I will be doing. I was hoping to work for Physical Plant, but that may not happen because of my status of non-student (graduating in August). If you could pray that the Lord will guide me to the right job for the next year. I don't want to leave Beaver Falls. I love the city, I love the school, and I just became a member of College Hill Reformed Presbyterian Church. As soon as I can, I will be participating a lot more in the church. I want to have a positive impact on my church and the community, but I can't do either without the strength of Christ - only if it is in His Will.

On to something a little more light hearted - guilty pleasures. If you know me, please don't hold this against me.

Recently, I jokingly told my roommate, "Be prepared, I am about to play some of the worst music on my computer." I started going through my collection and realized that I have a variety of tastes. Granted, I haven't listened to a lot of this stuff for a while. Secondly, I don't consider it a guilty pleasure because I love it. It's a guilty pleasure because I shouldn't own it, like it, or acknowledge its presence. For example, if I said, "Britney Spears is one of my guilty pleasures (she isn't)," I don't mean that I love listening to her music. Rather, there is something intriguing about it and when I listen to it, I feel nostalgic and recognize its impact on my life. Alright, on to the list.

1. Carman - Yes, I own Carman. I believe I received it as a gift from my parents during middle school. I was listening to it the other day. As cheesy as it is, I can totally understand why I loved it when I was thirteen. It was catchy and "Christian." I don't agree with his methods, his message, or his theology any more, but as a young, naive Christian, I enjoyed it.

2. Tesla - All of my musical friends make fun of me for having this band. Okay, I loved Tesla in high school. I had a limited Christian music collection. Tesla was a means of me branching out; however, I don't think it was the best band to explore the "other" culture. The lyrics are cliche, poorly executed, and downright stupid. Case in point, listen to "Caught in a Dream," which is just another attempt at creating an "Imagine." On the other hand, the music is catchy 80s rock. They did a cover of "Signs." Just in case you are watching, I do have a VHS copy of a Philadelphia concert they did back in the early 90s.

3. Enya - I still love her. I always will. I know it doesn't fit my criteria, but a 22 year old guy shouldn't obsess over her. I can't wait to complete this collection. I have three of her CDs, but I am still missing the masterpiece "Watermarks." She's still good-looking.


4. Eagle Eye Cherry - He's catchy, but all of his music is the same. He's part Swedish. I couldn't resist.

5. Train - A few radio hits, a lead singer from Erie, and I desire to be popular with the "cool" kids.

6. Halo Soundtrack - I devoted my high school career to this game. I can't remember the last time I listened to this CD. Several of the songs are great, but they're better in the game.

7. Star Wars and Lord of the Rings Soundtracks - I am a dork.

8. Cross Movement - Every Christian needs this Philly rap group. They're tough as nails.

9. DC Talk - They made me feel cool.

10. John Denver - He died in a plane crash. He was on the muppets. He could feel sunshine on his shoulders. The guy was practically begging me to buy his CD. However, only his popular songs are any good. The rest is this new age environmentalist crap.

Music I wish I didn't own.

1. Mercy Me

2. Michael Bolton - It was a free download. I am a freeloader.

3. Carlos Montoya - An annoying Spanish Guitarist

4. Nickelback - They suck. Nuff said.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little rant. It wasn't something I really planned, but I just wanted to write so everyone knew that I was still alive.

Christian Eriksson

Distracted

I am trying to write a paper for Cinema, which is a late. I am just so distracted. I have written three pages, but I still have four to five to go. I have to analyze fifteen seconds of film. The paper isn't that hard. There is so much that can be said about fifteen seconds of film, but I just can't get myself to constantly write.

Sometime this week the new Counting Crows CD is coming. I am excited. The CD came out today, but since I preordered it with free shipping, I have to wait another day or two. I was listening to some of the songs on YouTube. I can't wait. It's been six years since they have released their last CD. Ahhh, I am going to be lost in music for awhile. Anyway, I am distracted, if you can't tell.

Christian Eriksson

Vegetables

When it comes to spiritual disciplines, I am about as disciplined as a criminal. The other day, Heather lent me her copy of Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald Whitney. You can purchase a copy here and I would highly recommend it. I am only about a third of the way through, but chapter after chapter, I have been challenged and left without excuse. J.I. Packer, a renowned scholar and author of the forward, suggest reading the book three times. After I finish Heather's copy, I will probably purchase a copy. The ten disciplines he analyzes are bible intake, prayer, worship, evangelism, serving, stewardship, fasting, silence and solitude, journaling, and learning. As stated before, I haven't finished the book, but these disciplines are intriguing and necessary (although I am not sure how Whitney will argue journaling is biblical).

Whitney doesn't leave room for excuses. He answers many objections to exercising our disciplines. For a personal example, I do not spend much time praying. My pathetic excuse is "My life is a prayer." I try to argue that God's sovereignty allows him to know what is going on in my life; therefore, I do not need to relay the message to him because he already knows. In a false sense, I was trying to convince myself that I already was living in constant communication with God. Honestly though, I haven't been living in communication with God. Using a technological analogy, I have put God on hold. The seemingly emptiness of my words is a part of my fear when talking to God; however, Whitney illuminated a very interesting idea. In order to live a fruitful prayer life, we must meditate on God's Word before praying. He sites the examples of George Muller, a Christian who received radical answers for his prayers. The other excuse I, and many other Christians, site as reason for not being deeply rooted in our spiritual disciplines is time. We are without excuse. In all reality, we have allowed time to control our lives instead of God. Time and individualism are the two poisons of the last two hundred years. We have to be at work by 8, so we get up at 7. We come home at 4 and we are too tired to do anything else. Dinner needs to be made, the car needs fixing, we need a nap, the kids need to go somewhere. We have preoccupied ourselves with ourselves. By the end of the day we have left no room for God, His Words, or prayer. Instead of conforming and transforming our lives to God's creeds, we demand God to meet our schedule. We are frustrated when prayers aren't answered, we expect worship to be on our terms, and we seek counsel when our therapist is on vacation. One of the major problems in the modern church is the blaspheming of Christ's ministry. We demand the iJesus. If we can't meet Jesus through technology, then He isn't worth meeting. This is a frustration I have to deal with, too. Whitney sites many of the Puritan top dogs. There are many people who cringe at the word; however, these people did not allow their situation to control their spiritual life. They used their spiritual life to control their situation. I want to rely on less of myself and more on God. So, how do I take my own words and implicate them with reality. First, I need to spend a part of each day reading, meditating, and praying through Scripture. It's food for the soul and must be seen as food for the soul. Second, I need to spend less time trying to gratify myself. The internet needs to be less of me. My film watching needs to be regulated. I need to find more time for God and less time for myself. Find a copy of Whitney's book, give it a solid read, and let me know what you think.

Yesterday I had a pretty interesting thought. I could not stop thinking about what "bearing fruit" means. In one smaller aspect, I think it is spiritual growth. On a larger scale, I think it is working with Christ for Christ to do His will. Spiritual growth is inward, but the works should be external. I do not want to sound critical of the modern day church, but we are constantly ordered to purify the church and right its wrongs (but only through the grace of Christ). There are many churches that promote internal spiritual growth. It is as if we are being trained to say, "It's okay what you believe, I won't infringe," or "I have a personal relationship with Christ that I don't want to impose on anyone else." With this mindset, we are no longer bearing fruit, but we are bearing vegetables. Think of the analogy this way, most fruits grow on trees. The trees are easy to see (and smell) and a person can recognize their fruits immediately. The fruit is out in the open. A vegetable on the other hand, grows close to the ground or it grows underground. Cucumbers are hidden by their foliage, potatoes are hidden in the dirt, and some vegetables blend in with their surroundings. Working with this analogy and what Christ has commanded of us, are we vegetables or fruits? In many ways, I am a vegetable. I am scared of people knowing that I am a Christian, so I tried to hide behind the walls of society. Sometimes I do not want to infringe on the beliefs of others, so I hide myself in the dirt and wait for the harvest. Fruits are different. They're spirituality is external. I am not talking about "Christians" who run around slam the Gospel in people's faces or engage in a spirituality that sees who can shout the loudest. I am talking about true, genuine Christians. They are so in tuned with God's reality and Will that they just can't help but shine brighter than others. They have no qualms about preaching the news. They do hinder themselves from spreading the message of the Gospel. You acknowledge their love for God by their love for others. So, my big question is "Are you a vegetable or a fruit?" Maybe we should rename the Veggie Tales series? Haha, probably not.

Anyway, I encourage interaction. I encourage change. I encourage you to read Whitney's book. Above all, keep each other accountable.

With much love,
Christian Eriksson

The Future is a Whore!

The Future is a whore. You make plans with her, and you expect those plans to be carried out. However, she's unfaithful and you are left sitting on the doorsteps of the Present wondering where Future is. Feeling rejected, you seek comfort in the arms of the Present. Before you know it, she's pregnant. And because you are not suited to be a father, you try to run away. And the Present reluctantly calls her child the Past. The cycle continues. Each new child resembles you more than the others. Those that survive change their name to Memories, and those that die are Forgotten.

I have received a job offer in the last couple of days. It has nothing to do with my major, but I am not convinced that I want to do anything with my major. At least not yet. If things go as they seem to be headed, I will be working for a contractor painting and putting up drywall. If I do the job well, I can make about 9-11 dollars an hour. I will be working in Pittsburgh, which I am really excited about. I will be able to pursue my cinema desires. Also, I will be attending an RP church. I will be living with friends.

Granted, the first few months will be tough financially. But if I work hard, I can survive. Anyway, I have to continue praying about the situation. I know a lot of people are probably questioning this decision. First, I don't know where God is calling me. So, I don't want to be going to school and paying more, especially if I am not totally convinced ot the program. Secondly, Paul worked as a tent maker while serving the Lord. There is nothing wrong with doing manual labor for a couple of years. Finally, I do not plan on doing contract work for the rest of my life - just till I figure out what my calling is.

With love,
Christian Eriksson

Pleasure

With a busy semester, I hardly find the time to finish a book that is unrelated to my schoolwork. However, I just finished It's a Playboy World (1969). Dr. Bill Banowsky wrote the book as a critical response to playboyism. "What it amounts to is that moral revolution has degenerated into the cult of pleasure and the code word for the new cult is 'playboy,'" writes Banowsky about playboyism (15). Even though the book is nearly 40 years old, it remains extremely relevant to our contemporary society.

The book is not a direct response to the Playboy magazine; rather, it engages the whole philosophy of the playboy. My original intent for buying the book was to be funny. The book seemed like a ridiculous Christian response to an ancient idea. However, from the first page, I was captivated. Dr. Banowsky illuminates so many false lies that still permeate our society. He philosophically criticizes the pleasure seeking way of life. But it is more than a response, it's a call for action. This book has challenged me to reevaluate what I believe. It has also provided answers to questions I have been asking or others have asked me. Unlike some Christian criticisms of our culture, Banowsky does his best to provide alternate solutions to popular thinking. Instead of bashing Hefner, he attempts to show the flaws of his thinking and point out more healthy solutions to Hefner's philosophy. It's a shame that his book is no longer in print (at least I don't think it is).

As stated before, Banowsky, through his analytical and concise thinking, clearly states many ideas that I have had but have been unable to state clearly. For example, the other day I got into a debate about whether Christians should have images of Christ. It never really bothered me that the image of Christ was inside churches; however, that mindset has changed. In the last year or so, I have really been thinking about idolatry and false conceptions we have of Christ. I strongly oppose churches have images of Christ. I do not think that the image itself is sin, but our response to the image can be deceivingly sinful. Many Christians may respond, "We are not worshiping the image, so how can it be sinful?" It's an important question; however, the second commandment prohibits the creation of idols or images. But does the passage only refer to worshiping idols? Can't we create an image of Christ without worshiping it? My response is "Can we really separate the two?" No image of Christ can fully depict the holiness and humanity of Jesus. The fact that we can identify a picture of Christ means that we have a presupposition as to what Christ looks like. Even though we don't worship the image itself, we have created an image in our head that we worship without even thinking about it. As I was trying to argue my position, my friend kept saying, "We are a visual people. We need to see a picture." My other friend argued, "If your child ask who Christ is you want to show them a picture." I could show a picture of Santa Claus and that does not prove or disprove his validity. Secondly, didn't Christ say, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (John 20:29). Anyway, I just ended up frustrating myself because I couldn't clearly articulate what I wanted to say. Then this morning I finished Banowsky's book. He wrote something very relevant to the discussion I was having with my friends.

If we are to survive, as a society with any real excellence, what we must have is a new moral revolution and the person to lead it is Jesus. Our greatest difficulty is that modern man confuses Jesus with visions of stained-glass windows and high pulpits. Our necessary task is to help our contemporaries go beyond the the popular caricature and to examine the claims of One who is honest enough to tell it as it is and whose ability to unify a man's life is not lessened by the intervening years.
"Gentle Jesus, meek and mild," is an absurd way to describe a Man who was listed by the authorities as a public danger. He exploded in violent anger at the sight of exploitation or smug hypocrisy, and deliberately walked to His own death despite the urgent pleas of His closest friends. Nothing is more at odds with reality than the average artists' conception of Jesus hanging on the wall of the average church library. His admirers have done almost as much to distort His reputation as His critics. 115

Amen. If you find a copy of It's a Playboy World by Bill Banowsky, then I suggest buying it.

Christian Eriksson

When Oh Lord!

I have no idea really how I want to say what I want to say. I have an idea floating around in my mind; however, I do not feel that it is really appropriate to expound on it.

I just want to know how far I have to run?
How far do I have to climb?
How must I do?

Yeah, I am a jerk. I don't deserve to be back in your life. But what do you want from me so that you will accept my humble apology and my attempt to make things right?

Christian Eriksson

Watermarks on Stainless Steel

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." - Matthew 6:34