Friday, January 23, 2009

Questions

I have found myself mindlessly wandering the internet. Because of boredom and nostalgia, I have decided to write an update.

Since my last post, I have found a job and an internship. I am currently a "Sales Associate" at Staples in Erie. My shift has been Monday through Friday. I enjoy the work and the people I work with. However, I wish I had more hours, but I will take what I can. As far as the internship is concerned, I talked to Pastor Bob (of First Baptist Church in North East) and asked if I could become an intern. He seemed extremely enthusiastic and hopeful. I am not sure what I will be doing but I am hoping to preach one or two sermons. I may also get an opportunity to lead a ministry.

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. One thing I can't seem to shake is my weight. Currently I weigh about 225 pounds. It's not the most I have ever weighed, but it has been the steady weight for the last several months (possibly, the last year). Although many diet books and regiments will provide methods and foods for losing weight, I think few consider this question: How did you gain this weight? Asking this question can help the individual understand where they are coming from and where they want to go. Forcing yourself to ask this question forces you to reexamine your habits. Many diets will suggest people to drop this food item or that food item, but they don't really examine the diet as a whole. These diets don't question the reasons for eating certain foods. So, to begin wrestling with my weight, I will ask myself "How did I gain so much weight?" Disclaimer: I do not consider myself to be obese; however, several people have mentioned my portly figure lately. A healthy weight for someone my size is 185-200 pounds.

How did I gain this extra weight?

1. Smoking for two years! Right away someone is saying, "But smoking helps you lose weight. It increases your metabolism." Sure, it does that, but consider what smoking does to your general sense of exercise. Whenever I heavily smoked, I found myself eating more and moving around less. I moved around less because I couldn't breathe well. So, even though smoking raises your metabolism, it becomes counterproductive because you start to exercise less. For example, I used to be able to walk 16 miles in about four hours; but once I started smoking heavily, I could hardly walk up a flight of steps. As of now, I have quit smoking. I hope to remain on that path.

2. Drinking soda! I drink too much soda. Soda is terrible for anyone interested in losing weight. I only drink regular, but if you are a diet soda drinker beware. Diet soda is even worse than regular. Why? You are convinced it is better when it isn't. It does not help anyone lose weight. In fact, it is just empty calories and concentrated sugar. Why do I drink so much then? Well, I am addicted to caffeine; I have convinced myself that I need it to survive. Also, it becomes tough to shed soda from my diet when it is readily available in my house. Other side effects of soda are acid reflux and interference with muscle building.

3. I am eating too much fatty foods. This makes sense, but I need to state it anyway. But not only do I eat fatty foods, I eat too much food in general. I eat for three. My vices are bacon, meats, and eggs. I need to concentrate on eating protein that comes in vegetables. I need more salads and rice.

4. I have relied too much on a vehicle! As I stated before, I used to walk quite a bit, but now, with a license and all, I drive. Instead of walking for forty minutes, I end up driving for five. I arrive earlier but fatter.

I am sure there are other reasons for me gaining weight, but I can't really think of them. As I think about my future (and a future filled with children), I get depressed by my weight. I need to get off my fat ass and work towards joy. I am not saying I hate who I am, but I can see the danger of who I am becoming. I want to enjoy my life with Heather and my family. I need to make a conscientious effort to reduce my bad habits and start creating healthy ones. As a side note, I am thinking about living kosher. I don't have time to expand on reasons why, but if you have any comments, I would love to hear them.

Another question. This one comes from "The Book of Questions," and was merely chosen because today's date was the 23rd.

Question 23 (there is a supplementary question, too): "While on a trip to another city, your spouse (or lover) meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and that you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it? If roles were reversed, would you reveal what you had done?"

Yes, I would want my partner to tell me of the incident for several reasons. First, it's cheating. Second, relationships are built on trust. These reasons go hand in hand. I could not be with someone who didn't reveal their life to me, nor could I be with someone I didn't trust. If the roles were reversed, I would tell my partner what happened and I would ask for forgiveness. I wouldn't expect it, but I would be man enough to apologize.

The followup question: "How serious would an affair need to be before you would want and expect to be told about it? What makes hearing such a confession so threatening that most people would rather be deceived? Is this kind of honesty more likely to be destructive or lead to greater intimacy and trust? How much do you trust your lover? How can you be trusted?"

Talk about heavy questions, these ones are brutal. First, as soon as an affair begins, I would like to know about it. If I wanted to really be biblical, I would want to know when my spouse lusted after someone else. The same would be true if the roles were reversed. In fact, to be an example to my partner, I must be willing to share these painful confessions of lust. Second, these confessions are hard to hear because no one wants to know that a part of them was given away to someone else. Marriage creates a unity of oneness between a man and a woman; however, when affair occurs, the bodies and their souls are split into factions again. People would rather be deceived because they don't have to deal with the consequences of being spiritually broken. Thirdly, honesty is always constructive. Though it sometimes appears destructive, it will root out the true problem. Honesty will expose the reasons the marriage is failing. It can help heal the past and pave a stronger road for the future. Finally, I trust Heather with my whole heart. The amount of shit we have been through has only brought us closer to each other. Though we are broken and misguided children of God, we have come to love each others' brokenness. I can only be trusted because I am brutally honest to her and she knows it.

With much love,

Christian Eriksson